Queries & Responses for 20 June 2005

perl one-liner random array
I’ve never tried to do one of these before but I think I’ll give it a shot. I’ll be damned. I think I’ve got one.
# it's not a fair cop without these
use strict;
use warnings;
# need an array to start with my @array = qw( one two three four five six seven eight nine ten );
# now the one-liner print "$_\n" while($_ = splice(@array, rand(@array), 1));
Now, we had our fun, don’t even consider using that code. That’s exactly why some hackers dump on Perl. Because that kind of ridiculous exercise—usually called perl golf—ends up in production code where it can be all but impossible to read and prone to inscrutable and misdirecting bugs. If you’re a poet, don’t take a day job writing advertising copy. You’ll just be frustrated and everyone you work with will hate you.
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20 June 2005 · Internet & computing
The page found by the original query:
Efficient and simple random quote CGI in 4…
health benefits of jack fruit
Well, the health benefits of masturbation are only lately being publicly admitted by the medical community. I certainly suggest large fruit. Melons, I’d think, for boys and what else but plantains—it’s all about the girth—for the girls. A 10 minute microwaving on the lowest power setting will probably get you to a safe but thrilling temperature.
Oh… Wait. Wait, wait. Oh, I’m so embarrassed. You meant durians. Jack fruit. I get it now. Sorry, I’m a moron sometimes. Well, the only health benefit I can think of is that if you eat that stinking piece of crap downwind from me you’ll definitely need fewer trips to the hospital that day.
You’ll note I abstained, at some personal expense, from the obvious mother joke tying the first and second paragraphs together. That’s all you’re getting for Christmas this year though.
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20 June 2005 · health & medicine · international issues
new name for my business starting from a word 'M'
How about a fitness spa called “Miss Fit.” Or a shooting range “Martin Luther King Jr Way.” Or a perfume shop called “Miasma.” Or what am I? A fucking vocabulary coach?
$300/hr for serious suggestions, seriously.
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20 June 2005 · speaking in tongues
The page found by the original query:
Words that start with M—The Devil’s Dictionary X™
knuckle dragger means
It means you’re a fucking ape with all the intelligence and brutishness that conveys. It’s no accident that the FBI has a reputation for being knuckle draggers with other government agencies like the CIA.
Y’all might’ve forgot but I haven’t. The FBI killed 25 children in Waco, TX not long after the Ruby Ridge incident. The FBI also let several of the September 11th stand-‌by flight crew roam free when they had reason and instructions to do otherwise. The CIA has some major blemishes on its record but they couldn’t have kept the twin towers standing. The FBI could have.
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20 June 2005 · government
The page found by the original query:
Words that start with C—The Devil’s Dictionary X™
all the good words that start with a
Good words? Hmmm… anal, actuary, arsenal, arsenic, ars technica, arse, arranged marriage, awkward (when attached to a red haired teen in a plaid skirt), Armageddon, Algernon… I mean, do you want the whole lexicon or what?
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20 June 2005 · speaking in tongues
The page found by the original query:
Words that start with A—The Devil’s Dictionary X™
hacker license plate frames
Better still: hacker license plates. There are plenty of them coming out of prisons everywhere nowadays. You can still pick up some of Kevin Mitnick’s handiwork on eBay now and then.
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20 June 2005 · Internet & computing
hollywood informal names
Fucktown. Rapeville. Skiddon. Penetration Valley. Ego Heights. Peckerwood. Over Bend. Tar Lake. Carcinogen City.
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20 June 2005 · celebrity & Hollywood
The page found by the original query:
Words that start with P—The Devil’s Dictionary X™
word describing to leave behind
The verb mature.
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20 June 2005 · advice & self-help
The page found by the original query:
Words that start with D—The Devil’s Dictionary X™
cunt cunt cunt
Because one is never enough?
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20 June 2005 · C-bomb & scatological friends
The page found by the original query:
cunt—The Devil’s Dictionary X™
cunt cunt cunt cunt
Because three somehow lacked emphasis?
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20 June 2005 · C-bomb & scatological friends
The page found by the original query:
cunt—The Devil’s Dictionary X™
cunt stitch
Look, I’ll usually play along and I enjoy a little profanity but when did this become a fucking hentai resource directory?
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20 June 2005 · C-bomb & scatological friends
The page found by the original query:
Sedition·com: Ann Coulter, spectacular cunt
biggest blog
I don’t know or care but it does bring up the best named blog URI ever: doesthisblogmakemybuttlookbig.com.
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20 June 2005 · Internet & computing
The page found by the original query:
Sedition·com: The 12 biggest problems with…
insert perl script in html
There is no client-‌side perl in regular use so you can’t do it like JavaScript. You can use server side templating to mix code with HTML almost exactly like PHP and, in fact, much deeper than PHP if you want.
This site runs on one such perl templating language, Template Toolkit. In the same league but with a different approach there is also Mason. There are a several alternatives including ASP, most of which are discussed here: Choosing a Templating System.
I don’t usually breakdown and evangelize for Perl but there is no other programming language that gives you such a diverse range of tools for web work. Not even close. If you need something super lightweight like a dynamic navigation menu or something to run every aspect, graphics to RSS, search to XML, of a 20 million hit a day site, there is a Perl solution that is an exact fit. Like the man said, “90% of every perl application is already written.”
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20 June 2005 · Internet & computing
The page found by the original query:
Common design mistakes and pitfalls