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things i have learned from porn
- Women always want “it” even if they haven’t yet been made aware of this fact.
- Women are all bi-sexual if given the chance.
- Lesbians never look like Peppermint Patty.
- Women get very turned on by–
- Looking down at their gear.
- Colossally stupid puns.
- Misogyny.
- Answering the door.
- Sexual intercourse must never be shorter than four minutes and never longer than six.
- There are a lot of gay Republicans with nice abs.
- Sex with children is wrong but sex with women who pretend to be children, down to a lack of pubic hair, is sooooo right.
- All a woman really wants is a cock so big that it hammers her cervix.
- HIV, herpes, genital warts, and non-specific urethritis don’t exist and are just scary stories made up by people who never “get any.”
- Surgery scarred cross-eyed boobs hard enough to break eggs are hot!
- Blow jobs are the sexual equivalent of intermission.
- Women who don’t scream have not had an orgasm.
- Sex is boring.
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28 March 2007
· Ps & Qs
· sex counselor
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