why kiss sucks
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- why kiss sucks
“Why?” You really can’t tell? Some highlights–
- They were and will remain a children’s band. Costumes and make-up, lunch boxes and dolls. Their zeitgeist is not that of The Who, Queen, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, or Led Zeppelin, but that of professional wrestling, GWAR, and Pokémon. I understand the fondness some have. I have nostalgia for The Herculoids but I don’t argue that it was Kubrick.
- Their very best songs are, at very best, mediocre radio pandering tripe. Consider the pinnacle of their choruses, the epitome of their lyrical achievement: “I wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day.”
- Even their one or two seemingly serious entries like “Beth” sound like they were written by the high school’s Stoned-Loser in Chief with his mom’s folk guitar to be played at the local coffee house twice before Beth starts dating the quarterback and the song is graciously consigned to oblivion.
- Their key figure: an arrogant, balding, unpleasant fellow by the name of Chaim Witz. You’ve never heard of him because his heritage was troubling so changed his name to Gene Simmons. His only real claim to fame is that in his capacity as rock star he fucked about 20,000 of your teenage daughters.
- To form an axiom so you can apply it elsewhere–
If your job description starts with, “Put on clown make-up,” and you are not, in fact, a clown, you suck.
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Sedition·com: But KISS does suck shit